Zašto ne pijem, ljubav i usputne lekcije
Scroll down for the English version
.
.
.
Puno ljudi me pitalo zašto više ne pijem.
.
.
.
Puno ljudi me pitalo zašto više ne pijem.
Neki od njih su puni podrške, dok su me neki gledali kao da sam odjednom postala pravednica koja živi zdrav život (a svi znamo da sam bila daleko od tog 😂). Ili kad im kažem da vježbam više, idem spavati ranije i budim se ranije, da se družim s manje ljudi nego prije, neki to ismijavaju. Smatram da je to jer ljude plaši kada netko ima kontrolu nad sobom, jer tako sam i ja prije ismijavala ljude koji su živjeli zdravo i imali tu snagu volje.
Z a š t o
Z a š t o
Moj razlog što sam prestala piti i pušiti je jer ne smijem. Mislim smijem tehnički, ali postoje šanse da ukoliko to radim mogu imati ozbiljne posljedice poput infarkta, oštećenja jetre ili nešto još gore. I to sve jer dnevno pijem 3 tablete Roaccutane. To su vrlo ozbiljne tablete, za lice, koje imaju valjda najdužu listu nuspojava ikad.
Samo neke od nuspojava su (označit ću moje):
- suhoća kože, kose, nosa i usnica ✔
-tanka koža ✔
- osip
- velike šanse za ozbiljno izgorjeti na suncu
- još veća upala akni
- promjene na noktima
- promjene u očima poput suhoća, bol, oticanje, svrbež ili otežana vidljivost po noći ✔
- krvarenje nosa ✔
- bolovi u mišićima i kostima ✔
- umor ✔
- gubitak kose
- mučnine ✔
- povraćanje
- duge i jake glavobolje ✔
- oslabljen sluh
- mutni vid ✔
- jaka bol u trbuhu
- krv u stolici
- iznenadni crveni svrbež i osip na tijelu
- ljuštenje dijelova kože
- zamišljanje i viđenje nerealnih scenarija
- depresija sa ili bez suicidalnih misli ✔
- gubljenje interesa za aktivnosti koje se inače uživalo
- više spavanja ili nesanica ✔
- promjene u apetitu i gubitak ili dobivanje težine ✔
- problemi s koncentracijom
Iiiiii mnogi drugi, ozbiljniji poput moždani i srčani udar, oštećenje organa, pogotovo jetre i sl.
U mom slučaju, neki su se pojavili i nestali, neki se ponovno pojave, a neki su još aktualni.
Nikada još nisam probala te tablete za akne jer sam imala problema s jetrom u prošlosti, kad sam jednom bila i hospitalizirana, pa sam kroz godine probavala sve osim toga. Početi piti Roaccutane je teška i velika odluka, ne samo zbog nuspojava, nego zbog ogromne promjene životnog stila.
Dok si na Roaccutanu moraš i vaditi krv jednom mjesečno, ići doktoru jednom mjesečno, ne piti alkohol, ne pušiti cigarete i moraš izbjegavati sunce.
N a v i k e
Zasad sam ja prošla super (kuc kuc). Imam neke od ovih najčešćih nuspojava koje sam gore napisala. Najviše me veseli što nisam imala onaj period gdje ti bukne lice i bude još gore. U svo vrijeme od kada pijem Roaccutan, nisam imala niti jedan jedini mali prištić, a kamoli neku upalu, što je za mene fantastično i mala pobjeda. Tako da sam zasad zadovoljna napretkom, a jedino što još imam je nešto crvenila i keloidne ožiljke. Njih mogu rješavati tek nakon što terapija završi.
Roaccutane moram piti 10 mjeseci. Obično ljudi budu na njima 6 mjeseci, no pošto sam ja imala problema s jetrom prije, doktorica me stavila na 10, da bi mi se tijelo postepeno naviknulo i da smanjimo šanse za nuspojavama. To znači od travnja 2018. do veljače 2019.
Promijeniti cijeli svoj životni stil za nešto što nisi ni siguran da će ti pomoći je užasno teško, i ne želim to nikome.
Ne volim baš više ići van, jer mi je jako teško se zabaviti bez pića, a to je problem. Do nekog trenutka je to super, ali kada svi počnu biti pijani, više nije zabavno kao prije. Prestala sam se družiti s nekim ljudima jer sam shvatila da je ono što nas je vezalo bio alkohol i izlasci, te površni razgovori kroz to. Radije odem na kavu i druženje ili putovanje sa svojim najboljim prijateljima. To je pozitivna strana, imam zaista neobično puno odličnih, pravih, bliskih prijatelja blizu mene, i još nekoliko van Hrvatske. Na njima sam jako zahvalna i zapravo samo s njima se mogu iskreno zabaviti i podružiti, a da mi nije dosadno.
No, koliko god je taj dio težak, najteže je kada imaš neku situaciju ili neki problem u životu, a ne smiješ piti ni pušiti. Inače kad bi me nešto mučilo ili bi htjela zaboraviti na nešto, otišla bi van, plesati i piti, ili se "smirila" s cigaretom, kao što velika većina radi. Sada nemam nikakav bijeg, i sa svim što se desi se moram suočavati cijelo vrijeme.
I kad mi neki ljudi koji nikad nisu pušili ni pili kažu da to nije velika stvar, je, velika je stvar ako si se do sada na to oslanjala a sada to nemaš, nego kada nikad to nisi ni imao.
Lj u b a v
Tko god je ikada bio u ozbiljnoj, zdravoj, ljubavnoj vezi s kvalitetnom i dobrom osobom, koliko god ona trajala, zna da je teško kada ona završi. Samo ta promjena rutine i navika, ostanak bez ne samo partnera, već i najboljeg prijatelja, s kojim ste zajedno do sada prolazili sve trenutke, i teške i lijepe, je poprilično izazovna.
Ja osobno se ne nosim dobro s emocijama. Mrzim osjećaje. Mrzim kad netko plače, mrzim kad mi netko ili nešto fali, kad mi je stalo do nečeg, kad se brinem za nekog i mislim da je to sve slabost. U prošlosti bi se zato izbjegavala suočavati s time ili bi sama sebe lagala da mi nije stalo, a u konačnici bi nastavila sa životom kao da se ništa nije ni dogodilo i kao da nisam ništa osjećala.
Sada, ne mogu pobjeći niti to ignorirati. Ne mogu napraviti što svi rade nakon takvih životnih promjena, kao izaći van i piti sljedećih 3 tjedna, samo da ne osjećam ništa i da zaboravim. Sve što osjećam moram osjećati, svaki dan malo, bez ikakvog bijega.
Znao se pojaviti i slabi trenutak gdje pomisliš da možda nisi učinila dobru stvar, da si možda pogriješila, pitaš se kako ćeš sada biti sama, ne vjeruješ da možeš igdje uopće naći novu osobu, i sve one misli koje ti dolaze. No bitno se podsjetiti da to sve dolazi od straha i takve drastične promjene u životu, te da nije realno jer ustvari to uopće ne misliš.
O d r a s t a nj e
Razmišljala sam, čitala i slušala puno, od puno ljudi, slavnih, mojih, svih. Shvatila sam da toliko cura i žena (ponekad i muškaraca) ostaje u vezama u kojima zapravo ne žele biti, koje ih ne ispunjavaju, za koje znaju da im nisu to to, gdje ih možda partner i ne tretira kako žele, ali to ignoriraju samo zato da ne budu sami.
Za nas žene, društvo nam govori da ako smo bez partnera, da nešto sigurno ne valja s nama. Na nama je ogroman pritisak da nađemo nekoga, uskoro, jer "biološki sat otkucava!", "sad je najbolje vrijeme za imati djecu", "kad se misliš uozbiljiti i oženiti?".
Nije pomoglo ni što smo odrasli uz Disney bajke, s prinčevima, s tinejdžerskim serijama i romantičnim filmovima, koje su nas naučile da će nas netko doći spasiti, i daju nam visoka očekivanja od muškaraca i veza.
Kada se sve to spoji, nastaju nesigurne žene koje nisu ni svjesne svoje snage. Onda puštaju da se to pretvori u slabost, puste emocijama da odlučuju umjesto razuma, i opravdavaju neke svoje postupke s isprikama, za koje znaju da nisu točne.
Znam i za puno osoba kojima se veza na društvenim mrežama čini super, a zapravo je puna nesigurnosti, prekida, svađe, nevjere (emocionalne ili fizičke) i sličnog. To ne znači da im nije stalo jedno do drugog, možda samo znači da nisu jedno za drugo i da su to znakovi koji im pokušavaju ukazati na to, ali nemaju hrabrosti otići od toga iz nekog straha.
E g o
Život uvijek daje znakove gdje ići. Život, Bog, svemir, nazovimo to kako god. Ima nešto u nama što nam stalno govori kada radimo nešto dobro ili loše, kada smo s nekim s kim treba ili ne treba biti, kada nas tretira netko kako želimo ili ne želimo, a to je teško naučiti ne ignorirati i slušati. Maknuti ego sa strane i samo slušati. Jer ako ne slušamo, život će nam dokazati na sto načina da ga ne treba ignorirati, i onda ljudi završe tužni, izdani, usamljeni i povrijeđeni, i krive ženski/muški rod, a zapravo je problem nastao kada se ne sluša jedino što treba slušati - sebe.
Drage žene, nisu oni uvijek krivi, nisu svi muški isti, nisu uvijek šupci. Neki jesu, da, neki rade grozne stvari, ali to sve rade zbog njihovih nesigurnosti i problema, i to je njihova stvar s kojom oni moraju živjeti.
Najteža stvar je zapravo pogledati sebe i priznati si da si ti odgovorna ili odgovoran za svoj život, jer ti nisi postavila granice, ti si prihvatila manje nego što želiš, a znala si negdje u sebi da to nije kako treba biti.
Kad god ne znamo što učiniti, treba samo stati, slušati taj glas u sebi, i imati hrabrosti vjerovati tome. Čini se super jednostavno, ali nije. No, svako iskustvo je iskustvo, naučiš nešto i s razlogom se dogodilo, iako ga možda ne vidimo sada.
D a lj e
Naučila sam slušati taj glas, ići za razumom umjesto emocijama. Odlučila sam prvi put si dopustiti osjetiti osjećaje i suočiti se s tim. Ne se lagati da je sve super, jer ne može biti još, jer je to proces, a meni pogotovo na tabletama gdje nekad ni ne mogu utjecati na to kako mi je. Jedino tako se može biti bolje, kada dopustiš da osjetiš sve. Ako ignoriraš, jednom će ti osjećaji izaći van, u ovom ili onom obliku, jer nemaju gdje otići.
Naučila sam da preuzimanje odgovornosti za svoj život oslobađa. Da je karma stvarna. Sve što nekom napravimo, već je napravljeno nama. Sve se vraća, sve je to energija, i uvijek je u điru.
Konačno, shvatila sam da sam puno sposobnija nego što sam mislila. Nisam nikad mogla pomisliti da ću moći prestati piti i pušiti, da ću odlučiti biti sama, otići, da ću biti sebična i raditi stvari za sebe napokon, da ću biti iskrena, prema sebi i prema svima, i da ću se osjećati dobro u vezi sebe i svojeg puta.
To je dugi proces, još ga nisam savladala skroz, ali radim na tome, i osjećam da je svaki dan bolji.
Na kraju krajeva život je dosta lijep, i sama činjenica da smo svi bili najbrži spermić u tom trenutku koji je baš stvorio nas, je dovoljan znak da to nije slučajnost, da smo svi jedinstveni, da imamo neki smisao zašto smo tu i da smo bitni.
Vidimo se 😉
N a v i k e
Zasad sam ja prošla super (kuc kuc). Imam neke od ovih najčešćih nuspojava koje sam gore napisala. Najviše me veseli što nisam imala onaj period gdje ti bukne lice i bude još gore. U svo vrijeme od kada pijem Roaccutan, nisam imala niti jedan jedini mali prištić, a kamoli neku upalu, što je za mene fantastično i mala pobjeda. Tako da sam zasad zadovoljna napretkom, a jedino što još imam je nešto crvenila i keloidne ožiljke. Njih mogu rješavati tek nakon što terapija završi.
Roaccutane moram piti 10 mjeseci. Obično ljudi budu na njima 6 mjeseci, no pošto sam ja imala problema s jetrom prije, doktorica me stavila na 10, da bi mi se tijelo postepeno naviknulo i da smanjimo šanse za nuspojavama. To znači od travnja 2018. do veljače 2019.
Promijeniti cijeli svoj životni stil za nešto što nisi ni siguran da će ti pomoći je užasno teško, i ne želim to nikome.
Ne volim baš više ići van, jer mi je jako teško se zabaviti bez pića, a to je problem. Do nekog trenutka je to super, ali kada svi počnu biti pijani, više nije zabavno kao prije. Prestala sam se družiti s nekim ljudima jer sam shvatila da je ono što nas je vezalo bio alkohol i izlasci, te površni razgovori kroz to. Radije odem na kavu i druženje ili putovanje sa svojim najboljim prijateljima. To je pozitivna strana, imam zaista neobično puno odličnih, pravih, bliskih prijatelja blizu mene, i još nekoliko van Hrvatske. Na njima sam jako zahvalna i zapravo samo s njima se mogu iskreno zabaviti i podružiti, a da mi nije dosadno.
No, koliko god je taj dio težak, najteže je kada imaš neku situaciju ili neki problem u životu, a ne smiješ piti ni pušiti. Inače kad bi me nešto mučilo ili bi htjela zaboraviti na nešto, otišla bi van, plesati i piti, ili se "smirila" s cigaretom, kao što velika većina radi. Sada nemam nikakav bijeg, i sa svim što se desi se moram suočavati cijelo vrijeme.
I kad mi neki ljudi koji nikad nisu pušili ni pili kažu da to nije velika stvar, je, velika je stvar ako si se do sada na to oslanjala a sada to nemaš, nego kada nikad to nisi ni imao.
Lj u b a v
Tko god je ikada bio u ozbiljnoj, zdravoj, ljubavnoj vezi s kvalitetnom i dobrom osobom, koliko god ona trajala, zna da je teško kada ona završi. Samo ta promjena rutine i navika, ostanak bez ne samo partnera, već i najboljeg prijatelja, s kojim ste zajedno do sada prolazili sve trenutke, i teške i lijepe, je poprilično izazovna.
Ja osobno se ne nosim dobro s emocijama. Mrzim osjećaje. Mrzim kad netko plače, mrzim kad mi netko ili nešto fali, kad mi je stalo do nečeg, kad se brinem za nekog i mislim da je to sve slabost. U prošlosti bi se zato izbjegavala suočavati s time ili bi sama sebe lagala da mi nije stalo, a u konačnici bi nastavila sa životom kao da se ništa nije ni dogodilo i kao da nisam ništa osjećala.
Sada, ne mogu pobjeći niti to ignorirati. Ne mogu napraviti što svi rade nakon takvih životnih promjena, kao izaći van i piti sljedećih 3 tjedna, samo da ne osjećam ništa i da zaboravim. Sve što osjećam moram osjećati, svaki dan malo, bez ikakvog bijega.
Znao se pojaviti i slabi trenutak gdje pomisliš da možda nisi učinila dobru stvar, da si možda pogriješila, pitaš se kako ćeš sada biti sama, ne vjeruješ da možeš igdje uopće naći novu osobu, i sve one misli koje ti dolaze. No bitno se podsjetiti da to sve dolazi od straha i takve drastične promjene u životu, te da nije realno jer ustvari to uopće ne misliš.
O d r a s t a nj e
Razmišljala sam, čitala i slušala puno, od puno ljudi, slavnih, mojih, svih. Shvatila sam da toliko cura i žena (ponekad i muškaraca) ostaje u vezama u kojima zapravo ne žele biti, koje ih ne ispunjavaju, za koje znaju da im nisu to to, gdje ih možda partner i ne tretira kako žele, ali to ignoriraju samo zato da ne budu sami.
Za nas žene, društvo nam govori da ako smo bez partnera, da nešto sigurno ne valja s nama. Na nama je ogroman pritisak da nađemo nekoga, uskoro, jer "biološki sat otkucava!", "sad je najbolje vrijeme za imati djecu", "kad se misliš uozbiljiti i oženiti?".
Nije pomoglo ni što smo odrasli uz Disney bajke, s prinčevima, s tinejdžerskim serijama i romantičnim filmovima, koje su nas naučile da će nas netko doći spasiti, i daju nam visoka očekivanja od muškaraca i veza.
Ne pomaže ni manjak samopouzdanja u ženama. Otkad smo bile male djevojčice uvijek su nas uspoređivali jednu s drugom. Tražile smo savjete u časopisima koji su imali retuširane slavne žene na naslovnici, koje su se pretvarale da su savršene. Cijela industrija je narasla na nesigurnostima žena. Samo uzmite jedan ženski časopis. Članci poput: "Volite sebe" na jednoj stranici, a na drugoj stranici "Kupite ovu anticelulitnu kremu jer je celulit grozan". "Budi samouvjerena uz muškarce", ali "Kupi ovaj puder da sakriješ nepravilnosti". "Nemoj mijenjati ništa u vezi sebe", ali "Pročitaj ovaj intervju s ovom pjevačicom (koja se operirala više puta i vjerojatno je na kokainu da preživi dan i pritisak pod koji je stavljena)". Članci poput: "Zašto ti ne odgovara na poruke?", "Zašto je odjednom nestao?", "Kako ga osvojiti?", "Što smiješ i ne smiješ reći na prvom spoju" i slične gluposti.
K o g a b r i g a.
Kada se sve to spoji, nastaju nesigurne žene koje nisu ni svjesne svoje snage. Onda puštaju da se to pretvori u slabost, puste emocijama da odlučuju umjesto razuma, i opravdavaju neke svoje postupke s isprikama, za koje znaju da nisu točne.
Znam i za puno osoba kojima se veza na društvenim mrežama čini super, a zapravo je puna nesigurnosti, prekida, svađe, nevjere (emocionalne ili fizičke) i sličnog. To ne znači da im nije stalo jedno do drugog, možda samo znači da nisu jedno za drugo i da su to znakovi koji im pokušavaju ukazati na to, ali nemaju hrabrosti otići od toga iz nekog straha.
E g o
Život uvijek daje znakove gdje ići. Život, Bog, svemir, nazovimo to kako god. Ima nešto u nama što nam stalno govori kada radimo nešto dobro ili loše, kada smo s nekim s kim treba ili ne treba biti, kada nas tretira netko kako želimo ili ne želimo, a to je teško naučiti ne ignorirati i slušati. Maknuti ego sa strane i samo slušati. Jer ako ne slušamo, život će nam dokazati na sto načina da ga ne treba ignorirati, i onda ljudi završe tužni, izdani, usamljeni i povrijeđeni, i krive ženski/muški rod, a zapravo je problem nastao kada se ne sluša jedino što treba slušati - sebe.
Drage žene, nisu oni uvijek krivi, nisu svi muški isti, nisu uvijek šupci. Neki jesu, da, neki rade grozne stvari, ali to sve rade zbog njihovih nesigurnosti i problema, i to je njihova stvar s kojom oni moraju živjeti.
Najteža stvar je zapravo pogledati sebe i priznati si da si ti odgovorna ili odgovoran za svoj život, jer ti nisi postavila granice, ti si prihvatila manje nego što želiš, a znala si negdje u sebi da to nije kako treba biti.
Kad god ne znamo što učiniti, treba samo stati, slušati taj glas u sebi, i imati hrabrosti vjerovati tome. Čini se super jednostavno, ali nije. No, svako iskustvo je iskustvo, naučiš nešto i s razlogom se dogodilo, iako ga možda ne vidimo sada.
D a lj e
Naučila sam slušati taj glas, ići za razumom umjesto emocijama. Odlučila sam prvi put si dopustiti osjetiti osjećaje i suočiti se s tim. Ne se lagati da je sve super, jer ne može biti još, jer je to proces, a meni pogotovo na tabletama gdje nekad ni ne mogu utjecati na to kako mi je. Jedino tako se može biti bolje, kada dopustiš da osjetiš sve. Ako ignoriraš, jednom će ti osjećaji izaći van, u ovom ili onom obliku, jer nemaju gdje otići.
Naučila sam da preuzimanje odgovornosti za svoj život oslobađa. Da je karma stvarna. Sve što nekom napravimo, već je napravljeno nama. Sve se vraća, sve je to energija, i uvijek je u điru.
Konačno, shvatila sam da sam puno sposobnija nego što sam mislila. Nisam nikad mogla pomisliti da ću moći prestati piti i pušiti, da ću odlučiti biti sama, otići, da ću biti sebična i raditi stvari za sebe napokon, da ću biti iskrena, prema sebi i prema svima, i da ću se osjećati dobro u vezi sebe i svojeg puta.
To je dugi proces, još ga nisam savladala skroz, ali radim na tome, i osjećam da je svaki dan bolji.
Na kraju krajeva život je dosta lijep, i sama činjenica da smo svi bili najbrži spermić u tom trenutku koji je baš stvorio nas, je dovoljan znak da to nije slučajnost, da smo svi jedinstveni, da imamo neki smisao zašto smo tu i da smo bitni.
Vidimo se 😉
Why I don't drink, love and lessons
Many people have asked me why I don't drink anymore.
I also quit smoking.
Now when you tell this to some people, they think you became all righteous suddenly and make fun of you. Like ooooh look at you being all healthy bitch. Or when I tell them I workout more, go sleep earlier, wake up earlier, hang out with less people then I used to. Some people don't tell you that that's great that you want to live healthier and better. Some make fun of it. I believe that is because they are a bit intimidated with self-control. They want to do that too, or at least try, but they are scared to or think they can't. And I know that because I made fun of people for the same reasons before.
W h y
W h y
The reason I stopped drinking and smoking for almost 4 months now is because if I would, I could have a heart attack or sever liver damage, or worse. I am drinking 3 pills a day of Roaccutane. These are some serious pills for acne, with the longest list of side effects ever.
They range from most common ones such as:
-dryness of the lips, mouth, nose and skin - I got it
-fragile skin - I got it
-peeling palms of the hands and soles of the feet
-itchy skin rash
-an increased susceptibility to sunburn
-flaring of acne, usually at the start of treatment
-changes to the nails
-eye problems such as dry, sore, swollen or itchy eyes, or trouble seeing at night
-nosebleeds - I got it
-tenderness or stiffness in your bones, joints or muscles
-tiredness - I got it
-hair loss (sometimes occurs and is usually temporary but in rare cases has persisted)
-excessive hairiness
-nausea - I got it
-vomiting
-persistent headache - I got it
-blurred vision or visual disturbances - I got it
-changes in your hearing or ringing in your ears
-severe upper stomach pain
-unexpected muscle pain, tenderness or weakness - I got it
-blood in stools
-severe bruising
-sudden red, often itchy spots, similar to the rash of measles starting on the face, hands or feet.
-painful red areas, that change to large blisters and end with peeling of layers of skin
-thinking, seeing or hearing things that are not real
-feeling depressed, with or without suicidal thoughts - Sometimes I got it
-feeling sad or having crying spells
-losing interest in activities you once enjoyed
-sleeping too much or having trouble sleeping
-changes in your appetite or body weight - I got it
-having trouble concentrating
Aaaand many more serious including, again, liver and other organs damage.
-peeling palms of the hands and soles of the feet
-itchy skin rash
-an increased susceptibility to sunburn
-flaring of acne, usually at the start of treatment
-changes to the nails
-eye problems such as dry, sore, swollen or itchy eyes, or trouble seeing at night
-nosebleeds - I got it
-tenderness or stiffness in your bones, joints or muscles
-tiredness - I got it
-hair loss (sometimes occurs and is usually temporary but in rare cases has persisted)
-excessive hairiness
-nausea - I got it
-vomiting
-persistent headache - I got it
-blurred vision or visual disturbances - I got it
-changes in your hearing or ringing in your ears
-severe upper stomach pain
-unexpected muscle pain, tenderness or weakness - I got it
-blood in stools
-severe bruising
-sudden red, often itchy spots, similar to the rash of measles starting on the face, hands or feet.
-painful red areas, that change to large blisters and end with peeling of layers of skin
-thinking, seeing or hearing things that are not real
-feeling depressed, with or without suicidal thoughts - Sometimes I got it
-feeling sad or having crying spells
-losing interest in activities you once enjoyed
-sleeping too much or having trouble sleeping
-changes in your appetite or body weight - I got it
-having trouble concentrating
Aaaand many more serious including, again, liver and other organs damage.
In my case, some of them disappeared, but some are still here.
I haven't tried these pills for all these years, because in the past I had liver issues, when I was even hospitalized, so I tried everything else for acne, except this. This was a difficult decision for many reasons. Not only the possible dangerous side affects but lifestyle changes.
While on these pills you are also required to: take birth control, do blood tests each month, see your doctor each month, not drink a drop of alcohol, not smoke and avoid being in the sun.
So far I have been OK (knock on wood). I had some general side affects which I wrote above, and I didn't have that period in which my acne got worse, which is awesome. I haven't had so much as one little zit in the whole 4 months of drinking these pills, which for me is absolutely unbelievable. The only thing I still have is some redness and my dear keloid scars, which I will be able to fight only when I'm off the pills.
My doctor put me on Roaccutane for 10 months, so I need to be on them until February 2019.
Changing your lifestyle like this, for something you aren't even sure will help you, is extremely hard. I don't wish it for anyone.
H a b i t s
I don't want to really go out to clubs anymore because it's impossible to have fun without at least one drink (unless I am in some awesome trap/hip-hop club which is impossible to find in my area), I stopped hanging out with some people because you realize they are boring and your friendship was superficial and based on drinking, I rather go to have good coffee and talk to my best friends about real stuff. I am very lucky to have many really close good friends so that I can do that. I have many best, really close friends here, and I have a some abroad, so I am thankful for that.
The biggest struggle when you have nothing like alcohol or cigarettes to lean on, is that any problem or situation that happens to you, you must deal with it head on. Usually I would deal with stuff by going out, drinking a few drinks, or "calm" myself with a cigarette. That makes you forget about any issues, at least for that night.
L o v e
Anyone who had ever been in a serious, loving relationship with a kind, good partner, knows it is extremely hard when it ends. Just changing your routine, losing not only a boyfriend, but a best friend, with who you went through some very big moments and plans, is hard.
I can't really deal with break ups and emotions. I hate feelings and I always say feelings are gay. I hate when someone cries, I hate missing something and I think that's all weakness.
So in the past I wouldn't care that much or I would pretend I don't care, because I would just hide my emotions with making jokes and getting drunk, and moving on with my life as if nothing happened.
But now, I can't run away from anything. I can't do what usually people do after going through something life-changing like that. I feel every thought, every feeling, everything.
Then you have that one weak moment when you think that you maybe didn't do the right thing, how will you be alone now, where could you even find another person, and all these thoughts people have after breakups, when in reality you know you don't even mean that and you know it's not real.
G r o w i n g u p
Through this process, I realized there are so many women (sometimes even men) that stay in relationships that don't even fulfill them, don't make them the best they can be, with partners they don't even really see themselves with or they stay with partners who treat them in a way they don't want to be treated , because they just don't want to be alone.
For women, society tells us that if you are single, there must be something wrong with you. We have huge pressure on us to have someone, soon, "Your biological clock is ticking!" "You are so fertile now have some kids!!" "How can you live alone without a man?"
We also were raised on Disney fairytales, with prince charming, on teen TV shows and movies, romantic comedies, that tell us we will be saved by a man one day. Tell us to strive for marriage and family and having babies.
Another thing is lack of confidence in women. Since we were little girls we were always compared to eachother - who is prettier? We were sold magazines that had photoshopped celebrities on covers, pretending to be perfect. There is a whole industry created on the insecurities of women. Just get a Cosmo magazine! Articles like: Love yourself on one page, but also buy this anti-cellulite cream because it's gross on the next page. Be confident in approaching a man, but here is this concealer so you hide your under eyes. Don't change anything about yourself, but here is an interview with this celebrity who had multiple surgeries and is probably on cocaine at the moment to survive all the pressure she has to be perfect. Articles like: "Why isn't he texting you back?" "What guys actually want?" "What outfit to wear to win him over?"
With all that combined, women become insecure and weak. Letting the weakness lead to emotions taking action over reason, and justify it with excuses, for which they know aren't true.
I personally know of many people whose relationship on social media seems perfect, when in reality it's full of insecurities, breakups, fights, infidelity (emotional or physical) etc. That doesn't mean they don't care about eachother, maybe it just means they shouldn't be together and these are all signs trying to make them realize that, but they ignore them because they are too scared to leave.
E g o
Life always gives you signs. Life, God, universe, whatever you wanna call it. A voice inside you is telling us when something isn't right, when we aren't where we are supposed to be, we aren't treated as we want to be, we feel something, and that is what we need to learn to listen to. The first time. Because if we don't, it will just come back and show it to you in an even worse way, until you end up hurt, betrayed or lonely, or even blaming her or him, because you didn't listen to the only thing you should ever listen to- yourself.
My dear girls, it's not always only his fault, not all men are the same and he isn't always an asshole. Sometimes they really are, but they are because of their insecurities and issues and that is their problem they have to live with. It's the hardest thing to do to point the finger at yourself and see that you are responsible for your life, because you didn't set boundaries, you accepted and settled for what you knew you didn't want.
We just have to be still and follow what that voice tells us from the first time. Whenever we think we don't know what to do, we do know, we just need to have the courage to listen to it.
G o i n g o n
I choose to do that. Listen to that voice, act on reason not emotions. I chose to feel my feelings and not hide them with something and through something. Only when you allow yourself to feel it, you can heal it.
I learned that taking responsibility sets you free. Karma is real. Everything you do to someone, you already did to yourself. It will come back to you in some way, shape or form. For sure.
I learned that I am so much more capable of things than I thought I was. I never though I would be able to stop drinking and smoking, to choose to be single, to do things for myself, to be honest like this to me and to everyone and to feel a new kind of happy like this.
It's a long process, and I'm still working on it and learning these things. It's a great great beautiful life and just the fact that we were all the fastest little sperm, created on this earth and we can be here and breathe, is why we all need to know we are unique, important, purposeful and we matter.
Until next time 😉
While on these pills you are also required to: take birth control, do blood tests each month, see your doctor each month, not drink a drop of alcohol, not smoke and avoid being in the sun.
So far I have been OK (knock on wood). I had some general side affects which I wrote above, and I didn't have that period in which my acne got worse, which is awesome. I haven't had so much as one little zit in the whole 4 months of drinking these pills, which for me is absolutely unbelievable. The only thing I still have is some redness and my dear keloid scars, which I will be able to fight only when I'm off the pills.
My doctor put me on Roaccutane for 10 months, so I need to be on them until February 2019.
Changing your lifestyle like this, for something you aren't even sure will help you, is extremely hard. I don't wish it for anyone.
H a b i t s
I don't want to really go out to clubs anymore because it's impossible to have fun without at least one drink (unless I am in some awesome trap/hip-hop club which is impossible to find in my area), I stopped hanging out with some people because you realize they are boring and your friendship was superficial and based on drinking, I rather go to have good coffee and talk to my best friends about real stuff. I am very lucky to have many really close good friends so that I can do that. I have many best, really close friends here, and I have a some abroad, so I am thankful for that.
The biggest struggle when you have nothing like alcohol or cigarettes to lean on, is that any problem or situation that happens to you, you must deal with it head on. Usually I would deal with stuff by going out, drinking a few drinks, or "calm" myself with a cigarette. That makes you forget about any issues, at least for that night.
L o v e
Anyone who had ever been in a serious, loving relationship with a kind, good partner, knows it is extremely hard when it ends. Just changing your routine, losing not only a boyfriend, but a best friend, with who you went through some very big moments and plans, is hard.
I can't really deal with break ups and emotions. I hate feelings and I always say feelings are gay. I hate when someone cries, I hate missing something and I think that's all weakness.
So in the past I wouldn't care that much or I would pretend I don't care, because I would just hide my emotions with making jokes and getting drunk, and moving on with my life as if nothing happened.
But now, I can't run away from anything. I can't do what usually people do after going through something life-changing like that. I feel every thought, every feeling, everything.
Then you have that one weak moment when you think that you maybe didn't do the right thing, how will you be alone now, where could you even find another person, and all these thoughts people have after breakups, when in reality you know you don't even mean that and you know it's not real.
G r o w i n g u p
Through this process, I realized there are so many women (sometimes even men) that stay in relationships that don't even fulfill them, don't make them the best they can be, with partners they don't even really see themselves with or they stay with partners who treat them in a way they don't want to be treated , because they just don't want to be alone.
For women, society tells us that if you are single, there must be something wrong with you. We have huge pressure on us to have someone, soon, "Your biological clock is ticking!" "You are so fertile now have some kids!!" "How can you live alone without a man?"
We also were raised on Disney fairytales, with prince charming, on teen TV shows and movies, romantic comedies, that tell us we will be saved by a man one day. Tell us to strive for marriage and family and having babies.
Another thing is lack of confidence in women. Since we were little girls we were always compared to eachother - who is prettier? We were sold magazines that had photoshopped celebrities on covers, pretending to be perfect. There is a whole industry created on the insecurities of women. Just get a Cosmo magazine! Articles like: Love yourself on one page, but also buy this anti-cellulite cream because it's gross on the next page. Be confident in approaching a man, but here is this concealer so you hide your under eyes. Don't change anything about yourself, but here is an interview with this celebrity who had multiple surgeries and is probably on cocaine at the moment to survive all the pressure she has to be perfect. Articles like: "Why isn't he texting you back?" "What guys actually want?" "What outfit to wear to win him over?"
W H O C A R E S.
With all that combined, women become insecure and weak. Letting the weakness lead to emotions taking action over reason, and justify it with excuses, for which they know aren't true.
I personally know of many people whose relationship on social media seems perfect, when in reality it's full of insecurities, breakups, fights, infidelity (emotional or physical) etc. That doesn't mean they don't care about eachother, maybe it just means they shouldn't be together and these are all signs trying to make them realize that, but they ignore them because they are too scared to leave.
E g o
Life always gives you signs. Life, God, universe, whatever you wanna call it. A voice inside you is telling us when something isn't right, when we aren't where we are supposed to be, we aren't treated as we want to be, we feel something, and that is what we need to learn to listen to. The first time. Because if we don't, it will just come back and show it to you in an even worse way, until you end up hurt, betrayed or lonely, or even blaming her or him, because you didn't listen to the only thing you should ever listen to- yourself.
My dear girls, it's not always only his fault, not all men are the same and he isn't always an asshole. Sometimes they really are, but they are because of their insecurities and issues and that is their problem they have to live with. It's the hardest thing to do to point the finger at yourself and see that you are responsible for your life, because you didn't set boundaries, you accepted and settled for what you knew you didn't want.
We just have to be still and follow what that voice tells us from the first time. Whenever we think we don't know what to do, we do know, we just need to have the courage to listen to it.
G o i n g o n
I choose to do that. Listen to that voice, act on reason not emotions. I chose to feel my feelings and not hide them with something and through something. Only when you allow yourself to feel it, you can heal it.
I learned that taking responsibility sets you free. Karma is real. Everything you do to someone, you already did to yourself. It will come back to you in some way, shape or form. For sure.
I learned that I am so much more capable of things than I thought I was. I never though I would be able to stop drinking and smoking, to choose to be single, to do things for myself, to be honest like this to me and to everyone and to feel a new kind of happy like this.
It's a long process, and I'm still working on it and learning these things. It's a great great beautiful life and just the fact that we were all the fastest little sperm, created on this earth and we can be here and breathe, is why we all need to know we are unique, important, purposeful and we matter.
Until next time 😉
pozdrav svima, ovdje sam da podijelim malo svjedočanstva. Moje ime je Shira elijah, imam 40 godina, udala sam se sa 31, imam samo jedno dijete i živjela sam sretno do kraja života. Nakon godinu dana braka moj muž je postao toliko čudan i ne razumijem što se događa, on je prepun od kuće do druge žene, toliko ga volim da i ne sanjam da ću ga izgubiti, dajem sve od sebe da budem siguran muž mi se vraća, ali sve bez pomoći, plačući i plačući tražeći pomoć, pričala sam o tome s njegovom obitelji ali nisam dobila odgovor. Tako mi je moja najbolja prijateljica Anna Johansson obećala pomoći. Pričala mi je o čovjeku po imenu dr. Alaba, rekla mi je da je on jako velik čovjek i pravi muškarac kojem se može vjerovati i da nema nikakve veze s ljubavnim problemima koje ne može riješiti i rekla mi je kako je pomogao nebrojenim ljudima u ponovnoj izgradnji njihovog odnosa . Stvarno sam se uvjerio, brzo sam kontaktirao njegovu email adresu, dralaba3000@gmail.com ili njegov WhatsApp/viber na taj broj +1(425) 477-2744. Objasnim mu sve svoje probleme, rekao mi je da ne moram brinuti da će svi moji problemi biti odmah riješeni. Rekao mi je što da radim da vratim muža, a ja sam to rekla, rekao je da će se nakon 3 dana moj muž vratiti i početi moliti, i to se stvarno dogodilo kako je rekao, bila sam jako iznenađena, to je tako nevjerojatno. Slava našeg odnosa s Bogom sada je vrlo bliska i oboje živimo sretno do kraja života. Ako naiđete na sličan problem, odmah ga kontaktirajte i riješite problem jednom zauvijek. I ja sam živi svjedok
OdgovoriIzbriši