Getting through our 20s

When I was a little girl, I looked at 20-something-year-olds as adults. I thought they were grown ups and that they had their whole life figured out. Now when I myself am a 20-something-year-old, I realized I was dead wrong and that most of us don't really know what the hell they are doing.

20s are challenging for most people.

You must make the transition from being a student, working on student jobs, being pretty much careless and free, to a young adult. You start to understand the world more, how it works, how people are, your circle of friends narrows down and you understand your parents decisions more. You finish University and get a job (or not), and start thinking about where you want to go, who you want to be, but also who you want to be with. 

At our current age, most of our parents finished University, got a job, got married, had their first child and payed their own bills (more or less). So here I am, finished Uni, have a job, ain't even thinking about marriage, let alone a child shooting out of me and I pay a part of my life expenses.

I admire people who know what they want to do at a young age. There are artists, actors, entrepreneurs and others who say that they always knew what they wanted to do and I think that is wonderful. Imagine how wonderful the world would be if we all knew what we wanted to do with great passion. The competition might grow, but the extraordinary work and results would be everywhere. 

But the fact remains, most of us don't really know. Most of us choose a University by elimination process, because their parents are in the same field or just randomly, and then end up at a job that doesn't really make them as happy and fulfilled as one should be. 

Because it's hard to know what you want, of course it is.

Education system here is so flawed - they expect you to choose a high school at 14, where you have 16-18 subjects per year, and you are supposed to pass all of them and be interested in all of them. Then at 18 y/o you must choose what you will not only study for the next three to five years, but build your life around, as if at 18 you should know that. 

I want a system that gives you the freedom to try and test more fields, but in practice, not just memorizing theory, and then specialize in what you want. That way you can be the best at what you want to be, but you also had the chance to see what interests you the most. 

I wanted to choose my classes in high school and Uni, and focus on those completely, be the best at what interests me, instead of being average or above average at every class, because of the overwhelming information flow. And I wanted real examples, interactive classes, where you could think critically and not how they wanted you to think. 

When I was on my University, I realized that I am not particularly interested in most classes, but the ones I was interested in, I had achieved the best results and loved to attend. These were the classes where the teachers were inspirational, had different learning methods, gave us real life examples or those we could relate to. That is one way someone can see what really sparks their interest, a good quality teacher that brings it out of you.

The young me also though things would just happen in life because that's how it goes. 

School, work, marriage, kids, old age and the end. I though everything will be simple. 

Work - through time I will realize what I want to do and just work in that field. Relationships - I would just find someone perfect and fall in love and live happily ever after. I thought this mostly because I watched a lot of movies which told these kinds of stories. Life seemed like a very simple thing.

The truth is, most of the big things and most important twists and turns in my life happened when I didn't expect it or plan it. That is how I met people, how I found jobs, how I joined organizations, how I traveled, how everything went down. This was the case so many times, when you stop wishing for something and stop expecting it, it just comes to you.

Then I thought, well awesome, destiny will take care of it all for me, I'm done, I should just sit and wait, great.. But that's not how it really works and really, what's the fun in that? 

I believe in destiny and I believe in creating things for yourself. You should have a plan, at least a shape of what kind of a person you want to be. You should always work for things and try hard towards ending up becoming what you want. While you are busy doing that, destiny (or whatever you want to call it) will bring you opportunities with which you will decide if they are worth your time or not (still your decision, destiny just brought you a choice). 

Some people believe that most of the things that happened to them had nothing to do with destiny, it's just a series of your past actions that brought you to the place where you are.

Nontheless, I believe in destiny only because it could not have been a coincidence that I met some people in my life. I met them exactly when I needed to learn something from them. But in all other ways, I believe we make things for ourselves. You know, I decided to go to that place that day at that time, I decided to do all the steps that led me to that person or that person to me, and I met them, because I wasn't expecting to meet them.

It's like when you are getting all dressed up to go out and you're like "It's gonna be a great night, I will probably meet someone, it  will be awesome" and then you go out and it sucks. But when you go out spontaneously, you usually have the best nights.

So is it a coincidence or destiny? Bottom line is, it really doesn't matter what you call it.

The worst thing to do is just stay in one place, do nothing and try nothing. If you don't know where you're going or what you want to be, get a job somewhere anyway, join a club or volunteer, try dating someone who you like and is kind to you but you didn't because they don't fit your idea of a perfect partner you imagined for yourself, then at least you will make your picture of what you want (or don't want) your life to be more clear. 

Whatever we thought for ourselves, chances are it will not happen, and we have to be ok with that. So first of all lowering expectations is an important step, not goals, expectations. Taking opportunities that come to you, trying new things and always working hard  That is never overlooked.

As long you are happy, do it. If you aren't happy, get out of wherever you are.

Us 20-something-year-olds, we are fine, we will be fine. 

I realized we mostly doubt ourselves but not our friends, so let's try supporting ourselves as we support and believe in them for a change. This is the time to figure things out and enjoy that process, no matter how hard it might seem.

So my decision a long time ago was to try not to think too much ahead, because I'm pretty sure if you ask any person over 50, they would gladly go back to their 20s, so I believe we should enjoy it while we can.

Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. 

Make the Now the primary focus of your life. 

- O.W.