The subtle art of not giving a f*ck

Scroll for English..
.
.
.
.
.

U prosincu sam za rođendan dobila knjigu od moje drage prijateljice iz Latvije, Ilute. Ona je hodajuća inspiracija i jedna od najsnažnijih osoba koje znam, pa sam vjerovala njezinoj preporuci. Ipak, zbog naslova sam nekako imala niska očekivanja i pretpostavljala da će to biti jedna od onih klasičnih predvidljivih "živi tako da te boli briga za sve" knjiga, pa sam ju tek nedavno pročitala. Na kraju me toliko oduševila da ju nisam ispustila iz ruke dok ju nisam pročitala do kraja. 

Knjiga se zove "Profinjeno umijeće stava j*** mi se" (ajme kako loše zvuči službeni prijevod) tj. "The subtle art of not giving a fuck. Napisao ju je Mark Manson i prodana je u preko 9 milijuna primjeraka u samo par godina.

Očito ljudi jako žele imati taj stav. 

Što se tiče naslova, nije poanta da te boli briga za sve, nego da odlučiš koje su tvoje vrijednosti i što najviše cijeniš u životu, te da se samo za to "sekiraš". No, to nije dio koji mi je toliko zapeo za oko, već su to bili ovi citati:

1. "U doba mog djeda, kad bi se on osjećao loše pomislio bi si: "Baš se osjećam k'o govno danas. Ali što ćeš, to je život. Natrag na polje." Ali danas? Danas ako se osjećaš loše na pet minuta, bombardiran si s 350 slika ljudi koji izgledaju presretno i vode fantastične živote, pa je nemoguće ne se osjećati kao da nešto ne valja s tobom."

2. "Sreća je nešto na čemu se konstantno mora raditi jer je rješavanje problema nešto na čemu se stalno mora raditi. Rješenje današnjeg problema postavlja temelje za sutrašnji problem, i tako dalje. Prava sreća dolazi kada pronađeš probleme koje uživaš imati i rješavati."

3. "Što uži i rjeđi identitet odabereš za sebe, više će ti se činiti da ti sve prijeti. Zato se definiraj na najjednostavniji i najobičniji način. To često znači pustiti neke ideje o sebi: da ste nadprosječno inteligentni, spektakularno talentirani, nevjerojatno privlačni ili posebna žrtva kao nitko drugi. To znači pustiti svoj osjećaj i vjerovanje da vam je svijet nešto dužan."

4. "Većina tvog života će biti dosadna i neće biti ništa posebno. I to je OK."

Zašto baš ti citati?

Jer sam to bila ja. Htjela sam/očekivala sam da svaki dio mog života bude savršen, svaki dan. Osjećala sam se nezadovoljno u svakodnevici koja se većinom sastojala od posla, treninga i generalno - rutine. Živjela sam za vikende i posebne događaje, a preživljavala sam ostale, "obične" radne dane. Onda bi malo otišla na Instagram i vidjela ljude koji putuju, koji su si uzeli godinu dana da ne rade jer mogu i one koji još žive lijepi studentski život. Čak i ljude koji se žene, dobivaju djecu tj. rade stvari koje ja niti ne želim još raditi. Unatoč tome osjećala sam se nemirno jer sam mislila da bi se i meni trebalo nešto posebno i veliko događati svaki dan. 

Život nije IG

Nekako mi je ova knjiga promijenila perspektivu. Neće svaki dan biti poseban i vrijedan spomena. Neće svaki dan biti odličan dan na poslu, filmska romantika ili epska noć s prijateljima, i to je skroz u redu. Samo zato jer tebi nije takav dan i vidiš da nekom drugom je, ne znači da bi ga i ti trebao imati niti da ti je cijeli život obična rutina. 

Kad pogledam svoj Instagram, izgledam kao netko tko stalno putuje okolo, zabavlja se i ide van. To je zapravo samo istina za mali postotak mojih dana. Svi objavljujemo samo naše najbolje trenutke. Iako bi svijet možda bio malo bolji kad bi ljudi objavljivali kad se osjećaju ružno, kad su doživjeli neki neuspjeh na poslu ili kad su samo radili cijeli dan, a ostatak dana spavali jer su krepani - to se nikad neće dogoditi. 

Ne mislim da je kriv Instagram niti to kako ga ljudi koriste, jer je on samo platforma, ali je naša percepcija tog sadržaja ponekad kriva. 

Svi smo u istom... 

Svi mi, kao i naši problemi, nismo posebni jer postoji još puno ljudi koji prolaze isto što i mi, što je zapravo vrlo utješno. Ne mora svaki dan biti fantastičan jer to jednostavno nije realno i ne bi cijenili one epske dane. Neki dani su samo dani i to je OK. A čak i oni koji objavljuju kako im je super, ponekad nisu baš super kako se predstavljaju. Što mi znamo o tome kako je nekome zaista u životu? Nekako smatram da istinski sretni ljudi nemaju potrebu to baš svaki dan dokazivati drugima. 

99 problems but...

Autor također tvrdi da se dobro raspravljati, čak i svađati sa šefovima, partnerima, prijateljima, kolegama ili obitelji, biti tužan ili prolaziti kroz neke teške trenutke, jer ta negativna iskustva kasnije donose pozitivna iskustva. Dakle život je samo niz problema, a kad riješimo jedan, postavljamo temelje za sljedeći. Ono što nas zaista čini sretnima je proces rješavanja tih problema, stoga se bitno pobrinuti da imaš "dobre" probleme koje ćeš rado rješavati. Tako da kad imam neko negativno iskustvo, sjetim se da to samo znači da slijedi pozitivno.

Žrtve

Ljudi vole glumiti žrtve više nego što bi priznali. Glumiti žrtvu je najlakši način za izbjeći preuzimanje odgovornosti za svoju situaciju i to kako se nosimo s njom. Naravno, ne možemo kontrolirati sve što nam se događa u životu, ali smo uvijek odgovorni za to kako se osjećamo u vezi toga. Kao ljudi, volimo se žaliti drugima oko puno toga, što je u redu jer nas i povezuje na neki način. No, ako je to već neko konstantno ponašanje i ne radi se ništa da se promijeni ta situacija - to je već izbjegavanje odgovornosti. 

Šira slika

Dok sam ovo pisala, shvatila sam da mi se zapravo dogodilo puno značajnih i fantastičnih stvari ove godine: putovanja, neočekivana prijateljstva s ljudima iz drugih država i s ljudima koji su mi bili ispred nosa cijelo vrijeme, promjena posla, preseljenje, spontana druženja sa starim prijateljima, i još puno uspomena, smijeha i scena koje su bile dio ovih nabrojenih stvari. Ne mora mi se svaki dan tako nešto događati, jer bez običnih dana, ne bi bilo ni ovih posebnih. Ponekad su obični dani upravo ono što nam treba. 

Jednog dana bi voljela naučiti biti potpuno zadovoljna samo s činjenicom da sam na ovom svijetu te živjeti u sadašnjem trenutku bez da razmišljam o prošlosti/budućnosti. No, zasad sam samo jako zahvalna što su svi moji problemi - "dobri" problemi.

Until next time 😊

____________________

The subtle art of not giving a f*ck

In December 2018. for my birthday I received a book from my good Latvian friend Iluta. She is a walking inspiration and one of the strongest people I know, so I trusted her recommendation. However, judging by the title, I expected this to be one of those classic "Don't give a fuck about anything just do what you want" books, so I only read recently. It turned out to be one of the rare books I read cover to cover in a few hours.

The book is called "The subtle art of not giving a fuck". It was written by Mark Manson and sold in over 9 million copies. 

I guess people really want to not give a fuck. 

As far as the title, he says it's not about not giving a fuck about anything, it's about choosing your values and what you care about the most, and only worrying about that. There are a bunch of amazing quotes in the book, but these struck out to me the most:

1. "Back in Grandpa’s day, he would feel like shit and think to himself, “Gee whiz, I sure do feel like a cow turd today. But hey, I guess that’s just life. Back to shoveling hay.” But now? Now if you feel like shit for even five minutes, you’re bombarded with 350 images of people totally happy and having amazing fucking lives, and it’s impossible to not feel like there’s something wrong with you."

2. “Happiness is a constant work-in-progress because solving problems is a constant work-in-progress—the solutions to today’s problems will lay the foundation for tomorrow’s problems, and so on. True happiness occurs only when you find the problems you enjoy having and enjoy solving.” 

3. "The narrower and rarer the identity you choose for yourself, the more everything will seem to threaten you. For that reason, define yourself in the simplest and most ordinary ways possible. This often means giving up some grandiose ideas about yourself: that you’re uniquely intelligent, or spectacularly talented, or intimidatingly attractive, or especially victimized in ways other people could never imagine. This means giving up your sense of entitlement and your belief that you’re somehow owed something by this world.”

4. “The vast majority of your life will be boring and not noteworthy, and that’s okay."

The reason I found these quotes interesting is because I used to be that person. 

I wanted/expected every part of my life to be perfect and great, every day. I felt unsatisfied in the day-to-day routine of work-gym-reading-getting coffee with friends. I lived for the weekends and special events and I only lived through the other, "regular" days. Then I would look at Instagram and see people who are traveling, those who took a year off and those still enjoying the easy student life. Even people getting married, having babies and doing things I don't even want to do yet. Still, I would get restless because I thought I should have something amazing happen to me each day in all aspects of my life. 

Life is not Instagram

Reading these quotes from the book changed my perspective. Not every day is gonna be extraordinary and memorable. Most of the days will be just the routine we set for ourselves. Not every day will be a great day at work, a movie-like romance or an epic night out with friends, and that's OK. Just because you don't have that day and you see someone else have it, doesn't mean your whole life is ordinary or that you should be doing the same at the moment.

People who see my social media usually tell me: "You always travel somewhere and have fun and go out." - which is true for only a small percentage of my days. We all post only our highlights online. As much as it might be a better, more honest world if people posted: "Oh I feel so ugly today" or "My boss just yelled at me because I fucked up something" or "Today I worked for 10 hours and then slept for the rest of the day" - that will never happen. 

And I don't think it's Instagram's fault because it is just a platform, but it's our perception of all of this information we receive that is wrong.

We're all in the same...

The truth is, all of us and our problems aren't that special because there are a bunch of other people going through similar things, which when you think about, is very comforting. We don't need to have extraordinary days every day, because that's just not realistic and it wouldn't make us appreciate those epic days. Some days are just regular days and that's really OK. Even the people who post their happy moments every day, might not be that happy as they seem. We really never know what's going on in someone's life. I kind of think people who are truly happy and satisfied don't have the need to prove it to the world every day - they simply are.

99 problems but...

The author also says it is good to have fights/disagreements with your superiors, partners, friends, and family, feel sad or go through difficult times because those negative experiences ultimately bring our next positive experiences. He says life is just a series of problems and we should strive to have the "good" ones. Solving one problem brings you a new problem and it's that solving process that actually makes us happy. So the next time you have a negative experience or a conflict, just remind yourself that the positive experience is coming next. 

Victims

We like to play the victims more than we admit it. Victimizing yourself is the simplest way to not take responsibility for where you are in life or how you deal with it. It's always easier to blame someone else. We might not be able to control some things that happen to us, but we are always responsible for how we feel about it. As humans, we enjoy talking to our friends and complaining about things. That is ok because it connects us in a way, but if it happens constantly and you aren't doing anything to change that situation - that might be a bigger issue.

Bigger picture

As I was writing this, I realized I actually had many extraordinary moments this year: the trips I took, new unexpected friendships with people from different countries and even people who were right in front of me the whole time, random trips with old friends, changing my job and the thousands of small memories, laughs and sights that were a part of these bigger things. I don't need to have those every day because without the regular days there would be no extraordinary ones. Sometimes the regular days are exactly what you need. 

One day, I wish to learn to be completely satisfied only with the fact that I am alive, and to live in the present moment without worrying about the past or future. But for now, I am just grateful that all my problems are "good" problems.

Until next time 😊