Što dečki ne razumiju kod cura?

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Prije malo više od godina dana provela sam malo istraživanje između mojih prijateljica o tome što ne razumiju kod muškaraca. Rezultata je bilo mnogo i većina je to shvatila kao zezanje pa je post ispao dosta lagan.

Ove godine odlučila sam isto to istraživanje provesti između dečki, o curama. Postavila sam pitanja preko 12 svojih muških prijatelja i poznanika: što ne razumijete kod cura, što vas zna nervirati, što vas je uvijek zanimalo i sl. Nisam im rekla moja očekivanja o postu jer sam htjela saznati koji odgovori im prvi padaju napamet kad im se postavi takvo pitanje. Ovaj post nije ispao toliko lagan kao obrnuti od prošle godine, već sam uvidjela da su ga dečki shvatili malo ozbiljnije od „zašto cure stave štikle i onda se žale što ih bole noge cijelu noć“, što mi je dalo zaključiti da ih tako neke sitnice ne diraju previše koliko druge stvari koje su dolje navedene.

Dečki koji su sudjelovali u ovom su iz različitih zemalja, različitih pozadina, karijera, studenti, diplomirani, neki koji su u vezi, neki koji su nedavno izašli iz njih, neki koji su svježe zaljubljeni, neki koji nisu nikad bili u vezi i sl. 

Da ne dužim, evo njihovih citata i mišljenja: 

IZGLED

Moj osobno čuđenje je spremanje tj. "sređivanje" za koje sve kažu da se sređuju za sebe ali ako ti nakon 10 minuta dođe netko i kaže da ti očajno to izgleda uvrijedit će se... jer nije za sebe već je za druge... ako ti je stalo do mišljenja drugih

Ne kužim ovo: jedna frendica mi je rekla da sad kad ima dečka se više ne depilira i ne sređuje toliko jer ju boli kurac, a prije kad je bila single se je svaki put prije izlaska se mazala, depilirala i ovo i ono.

Zašto im treba toliko vremena da se spreme

SEKS

Kako cure doživljavaju seks u psihofizičkom smislu, gledaju li to samo kroz prizmu zadovoljstva, gledaju li to masu emotivnije od dečki ili nešto drugo. A u fizičkom smislu me zanima kakav je vama to osjećaj i kako to sve fizički doživite

Zašto žene nisu malo otvorenije o seksu i tom. Mislim ako ti se jebe, reci da ti se jebe. Doslovno možeš doć do dečka i reć mu – želim se jebat danas - i 99% dečki bi ti reklo DA.

INTERESI

Zašto cure definira dečko s kojim je trenutno? Npr. dečko voli neki sport i sad ona odjednom prati i voli taj sport, a prije nikad nije. Ili neka mišljenja koja se mijenjaju kako dečko dođe. Imaj svoj stav, argumentiraj ga i drži ga se, jer ispadaš jadna ako ga možeš promijeniti sa svakim dečkom

Ne kužim zašto dosta cura ima potrebu za slikanjem apsolutno svakog aspekta svog života i prikazivanje istog preko društvenih mreža u pretjeranoj mjeri...Pogotovo tipovi cura koji objavljuju često ful seksualnije slike i onda se u sljedećem postu žale kako im prilaze i javljaju se ljigavci

Ne sviđa mi se kad cure nemaju svoje interese. I onda se ljute što njihov dečko ima svoje i bavi se s njima umjesto da provodi vrijeme s njom. Ja sam osoba, volim što volim, moj život je više od samo druženja s tobom i trebao bi i tvoj biti. Čitaj, piši, radi štogod ali nađi neki interes i drži ga se. Razmisli, ako te dečko ostavi, što ostaje od tebe? Saznaj tko si kao osoba bez dečka još i prije nego ga ideš tražiti.

CURE

Nervira me što jako malo žena radi na izgradnji sebe i svog karaktera, a puno veći fokus imaju na pronalaženje muškarca.

Feminizam.

Zašto neke cure nemaju samopouzdanja, to mi je grozno

Nervira me što žene ne uviđaju koliku moć imaju. Moć ne znači urlat GIRL POWERRRR nego znači biti svoja i napraviti svoj život.

Zašto očekuju da im čitam misli umjesto da kažu jasno što žele 

Zašto će puno emotivnije reagirati nego dečki na određene stvari. Mislim pretpostavljam zbog društva koje nas tako usmjerava od djetinjstva.

Počeo bi s dramaturgijom oko PMS-a. Nama je jasno da niste ubrojive kad ga imate, a sve ga imate jer je evolucija išla u tom smjeru. Stoga pliz, priznajte. Nije ni nama lako 2 tjedna (5 dana PMS plus 5-7 menga) od 4 u mjesecu moramo živjet sa totalno drugom osobom od one s kojom smo ušli u vezu.

Nervira me što je ženama toliko stalo do tuđeg mišljenja, što će reći tata, brat, frendica, selo. Koga boli kurac, živi svoj život - prihvati nagrade za svoje uspjehe i trpi posljedice svojih zajeba.

Ženski rod je ono, zašto jednostavno kad može komplicirano.

Ono sto me malo iritira kod djela ženskog roda je to sto će maksimalno iskoristiti svoj izgled i spol kako bi lakše prošle neke stvari, a istovremeno će onda napadati muški rod jer je dečkima "lakše" ići kroz život.

Ekstremni feminizam koji se pojavljuje pogotovo na zapadu pa kreće da se širi dalje. Nije mi jasno kako žene žele da sjede s jednim dupetom na dve stolice, žele sve isto kao muškarci, a opet žele da im muškarci plaćaju, otvaraju vrata i sl. i to mi je malo licemjerno. Postoje stavovi feminizma s kojima se i slažem, uglavnom vezani za ljudska prava. Al žena koja dođe i kaže da ne možeš ti da pretpostaviš samo tako da je ona žena na temelju što je vidiš je za mene idiotski.

Nervira me što se žene toliko fokusiraju na ispunjavanje društvenih normi, iako ih mrze. Moram biti lijepa, moram biti sređena, moram biti dama. Ništa ne moraš, TI SI društvo, ako ti se ne sviđaju norme, mijenjaj ih.

CURE & DEČKI

Cura mi se ispričala nakon svađe – No one ever (2019.)

Isto mi nije najjasnije kod masu cura kako funkcioniraju po principu da flertuju s dečkima i "napale" ih samo za svoju osobnu satisfakciju, a na kraju naravno ne planiraju ništa s tom osobom, a potencijalno se čude kada ta osoba taj flert vidi kao znak i pokusa nešto haha Neke se ne čude, nego nakon sto zavode tako nekog prijave ga za sexual harassment 😂

Sve je test. Jel ti zgodna ova cura? Ako kažeš nije, a realno je – lažeš. Ne valja ako kažeš je. Nakon mjesec dana možeš očekivati onaj hladni odi si kod XY nje, s njom bi ti bilo bolje, ionako si rekao da je zgodna.

Zbunjuje me činjenica da sve žene govore da ne žele dramu u vezama i žele biti skroz racionalne, a uglavnom nije tako, uglavnom one potenciraju svađu i dramu. Ne razumijem zašto to nekad potenciraju da bi vidjele ako je tebi još stalo do nje. Ne gleda to kroz sva tvoja dobra djela nego mora kroz svađu, da vidi koliko češ se ti uzrujati oko tog pa onda će ona onda vidjet koliko je tebi stalo.

Također ne kužim cure koje dečke gledaju kao nekog tko bi ih trebao uzdržavati (kao jer je on muško), umjesto da to sve ide u oba smjera.

Dupli standardi... kad vi nešto radite je okej ali ako mi napravimo istu stvar nije okej. I naravno uvijek ste u pravu, a ako niste onda se rasplačete i kreće kao: zašto se ti sad dereš, možeš normalno razgovarati, promjena teme i opet smo mi u krivu.

Smatram da to zavisi od individue, karaktera i kemije između partnera da se te neke razlike prihvate.

Mrzim kad hoće da ju nagovaram na druženje i trčim oko nje. Ako želiš me vidjet samo reci da, neću te sigurno nagovarati, ne kompliciraj i ne razmišljaj toliko o tom.

Mindset koji imaju pojedine cure gdje dečko mora zadovoljavati određene parametre inače "nije muško".

Zašto puno cura ne može biti solo nego uvijek s nekim 

Nervira me kad ju pitaš šta je bilo i ona kaže: ništa, sve je ok il nije bitno. Ili personal favorite – nema veze.

Ne volim šta uzima sve zdravo za gotovo i nije zahvalna za ništa što napravim ali moje greške pamti zauvijek 

CURE & CURE

Nervira me što se žene ne podržavaju, što će javno urlat GIRLL POWERRRRR, ali će onda sjest na kavu i srat kako se neka druga žena za stolom do obukla.

Ne kužim zašto mi brani da imam ženske prijateljice i preljubomorna je

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Mislim da se to više svodi na individualnu osobu, da su problemi u individualizmu, a ne toliko na razini muško-ženskog odnosa. Bolje pitanje je, zašto nitko ne zna tko je? Ljudi su kakvi jesu i to je do njihovog karaktera, mislim da to nije stvar roda.

Sve što ti mogu reć bilo bi generaliziranje: nešto jednostavno za nekoga vrijedi, a za nekoga ne.

Sve te stvari koje sam nabrojao me nerviraju i kod muškaraca jer smo isti na kraju dana. 

Eto,šta reći. 

Mislim da je većina kad je nešto napisala mislila na neku konkretnu osobu, bivšu ili sadašnju curu i slično, ako su se izrazili kao da generaliziraju, nisu mislili svi to generalno. Čak je i većina s tim započela: "Ne mislim da su sve takve, ali znam za neke cure/curu koja...".

To sve ovisi o osobnim iskustvima, trenutnom stanju i situacijama. Možda bi neki odgovori bili drugačiji da sam ih uhvatila kroz šest mjeseci, tko zna. 

Ono što sam iz ovog shvatila je sljedeće:

1. Feminizam nije gotovo nikom jasan i treba im ga pojasniti tako da ga razumiju. Mislim, neki neće nikad shvatiti, svatko je subjektivan u svom shvaćanju, ali nadam se da su neki dečki kojima možda nije jasan bar otvoreni za taj razgovor, umjesto da samo zaključe "zašto onda sve ne odete raditi u rudnik ako hoćete sve kao muškarci" bez da su uopće istražili temu. 

2. Isto kao što sam pričala u prošlim postovima da cure moraju preuzeti odgovornost za to kakav je netko prema njima, to isto moraju i dečki. Cura ti ne može ništa braniti, kao ni ti njoj. Ljudi te tretiraju kako im dopustiš. Ako ćeš ostat s nekim tko ti brani da imaš ženske prijateljice ili bilo što što tebe usrećuje, to je samo zato što si ti na to pristao. Cure koje brane stvari većinom to rade iz straha od napuštanja i manjka samopouzdanja. Ako nekom ne vjeruješ toliko da im moraš braniti stvari, možda ipak niste jedno za drugo, a?

3. PMS. Na svaku djeluje drugačije. Neke od nas vole jesti puno čipsa u te dane, neke su emocionalne, neke su ljute, zaista ovisi. Dese se promjene u estrogenu, progesteronu, hormonima i slično i zato je to tako. Ja sam jedan dan u PMS-u jako emocionalna i onda se  sljedeći dan smijem sama sebi šta mi je bilo. Ali, nije ok da za svaki put kad vam nešto kažemo pitate ako smo u PMS-u. Jer nismo, to traje nekoliko određenih dana. Možda se ti ponašaš kao jazavac pa sam zato ljuta danas. U svakom slučaju, najbolje da naučite što je to, možda imate malo više razumijevanja u te dane, i svi sretni. Nije baš lako kad se nešto mijenja u tebi na što ne možeš utjecati, ne bi ni vama bilo, jelda? 

Ima još puno toga tu i zanima me što cure misle o ovim njihovim odgovorima. 

Moj generalni zaključak je da je dobro poslušati obje strane, otvoriti razgovor i raditi na razumijevanju, jer smo ipak drugačiji u nekim stvarima. 

Hvala svim mojim dragim prijateljima na sudjelovanju! 

Until next time :)

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WHAT BOYS DON'T UNDERSTAND ABOUT GIRLS

About a year ago I conducted a small research between my girlfriends about the things they don't understand about boys. There were many results there and it started out as a joke so that post was a bit on the funny side.

This year I decided to do the same between boys, about girls. I asked around 12 of my male friends and acquaintances: what do you not understand about girls, what annoys you sometimes, what you always wanted to know. I didn't say anything else or any of my expectations about it, I wanted to get their natural first answers to these questions. This post did not turn out as funny as the one before. I realized the boys took it more serious than "why do girls put high heels and then complain their feet hurt", which led me to the conclusion that these small things don't really bother them as much as some bigger things which you will read about below. 

The boys who participated in this research are from different countries, have different backgrounds, careers, some are students, some already work, some are in a relationship, some recently left theirs, some are freshly in love and some were never in a relationship.

Anyway, you will get your thoughts on your own based on their real quotes, so let's go. 

LOOKS

I personally wonder about girls getting dressed up. Everyone says they get dressed up for themselves but if after 10 minutes someone tells you that you look horrible, you get offended. So it's not for you it's for others...if you care about the opinions of others.

I don't get this, one friend told me that now that she has a boyfriend she doesn't really dress up or shave because she doesn't give a fuck, and before when she was single she used to shave all the time, put makeup and stuff.

Why they need hours to get ready

SEX

I would like to know how girls think of sex, do they only look at it as pleasure or more emotional than boys, or something else. In a physical sense, I wonder how they feel while doing it.

 Why women aren't a little more open about sex. I mean, if you feel like fucking just say it. You can literally approach a guy and tell him – I wanna fuck you – and 99% of guys would tell you YES.

INTERESTS

Why are girls defined by the guy they are with currently? E.g. a guy likes some sport and now all of a sudden she likes it too and follows it, and she never did before.  Or changing opinions on things with boyfriends. Have your opinion, argument it and stick to it because you look sad if you change it with each new guy.

I don't understand why so many girls have the need to take photos of literally all aspects of their life and putting it on social media way too much. Especially the girls who often post sexual photos and then complain in their next post that only guys that contact them are creepers and weirdos.

 Getting distracted with the most simple things like sales in shops

When girls have no interests of their own. And then they get mad when a guy has his own interests instead of being with her. I am a person, I like what I like, my life is more than being with you and so should yours be. Read, write, do whatever but find what interests you and stick to it. Think about it, if a guy leaves you, what is left of you? Find out who you are as a person without him and before you even go find him.

GIRLS

I don't like that most women focus less on building their character and themselves, but more on finding a man.

Feminism.

Why some girls have no confidence, I don't like that 

Why they expect me to read their mind instead of just telling me what they want 

I hate that woman don't see the amount of power they have. Power isn't yelling GIRL POWERRRR, it means to be yourself and create the life you want for yourself.

Why girls react to certain things more emotionally than men. I mean, I assume its the society that shapes us like that since childhood.

I wanna start with the PMS drama. We understand you aren't rational when you have it, and you all have it because the evolution went that way. So please admit it. It's not easy for us for these 2 weeks out of 4 in a month (5 days PMS plus 5-7 days period) we must live with a completely different person than the one we started the relationship with.

I hate that girls care so much about what other people think, what the dad, or brother or the friend or the village will say. Who gives a fuck, live your life, celebrate your success and  take consequences for your fuck ups. 

Women are basically – why keep it simple when you can complicate it.

I don't like that some women maximally use their looks and gender to go through life easier, but at the same time attack the male gender because they think it's "easier" for men to go through life.

I don't understand this extreme feminism that's coming out, especially on the west and spreading further. I don't understand how women want to sit on two chairs at once – they want all the same things as men, but at the same time want men to pay for everything, open their doors, etc. and I find that hypocrite. There are points in feminism I agree with, mostly ones about human right. But, a woman who says you can't assume she's a woman just based on the way she looks, for me that's just stupid.

It's annoying that women are so focused on fulfilling social norms even though they hate them. I must be beautiful, I must be dressed up, I must be a lady and shit like that.  You don't need to do anything, you ARE the society, if you don't like the norms, change them.

GIRLS&BOYS

My girlfriend apologized to me after an argument. – No one ever (2019.)

I don't understand why some girls flirt and "turn on" boys only for their own satisfaction when they actually don't plan to have any relationship with the person, and then wonder why that person sees this flirting as a sign to try something. Some don't even wonder they simply report them for sexual harassment after seducing them 😂

Everything is a test. Is this girl hot? If you say no, and actually she is – you are lying. It's also not ok if you say she is hot. Then after a month, you can expect that cold "go to her then, you will be better with her since you said she is hot."

What confuses me is the fact that all woman say they don't want drama in relationships and that they want to be rational when usually that's not the case, usually, women start fights and drama. I also don't understand why sometimes they do it to see if you still care about her. She can't find that out through all the good things you do, but she has to see in when you fight so that she can see how upset you will get about it and they conclude if you care about her or not.

I don't understand girls who see boys as someone who should take care of them financially because he is a man, instead of it going both ways.

Double standards...when you do certain things it's ok, but if we do the same thing it's not ok. Of course, you are always right, but if you aren't, you cry and tell us: why are you yelling at me, speak normally, change the topic and again – it's our fault.

I think it depends on the individual, character and the chemistry between the partners to accept these differences between us.

I hate when she wants me to persuade her to hang out and run around her. If you wanna hang out just say yes, I'm not gonna beg you, don't complicate and don't overthink so much

The whole mindset where the guy has to satisfy certain parameters because he is "not a real man" if he doesn't

 Why some girls can never be single but always have to have someone

When you ask her hey what happened and she says: nothing, everything's fine or it's not important. Or my personal favorite – it doesn't matter.

Why some girls take everything for granted and never appreciate anything we do, but they remember our mistakes forever

GIRLS & GIRLS

It's annoying that women don't support each other. They will publicly scream GIRL POWEERRRR but then later when they sit and drink a coffee somewhere they will talk shit about how the girl next to them is dressed.

Why she forbids me to have friends who are girls and gets very jealous

HONORABLE MENTIONS

I think it's more about the individual, the problem lies there, not in the male-female relationship. A better question is, why don't people know who they are alone? People are good or bad because of their character, I don't think it depends on the gender.

Everything I could tell would be too general - I mean some things are true for some, and some things aren't.

All these things annoy me in men also, because at the end of the day we are all the same.

Well, there you go. 

I believe most of them wrote according to their experiences with certain girls, exes, current ones or just someone they know about. Even though some expressed themselves in a general way, they didn't all mean it for all the girls. Most of the guys even started with: "I don't think all girls are like that, but I know about one or some...".

Answers depend on personal experiences, the current state of mind and the situations they are in. Maybe some answers would be different if I asked the guys in six months, who knows.

What I realized is the following:

1. Feminism isn't clear to almost anyone and it should be explained to them in a way they can understand. Some might never understand it, everyone is subjective in their opinions, but I hope some boys who don't understand it fully are open for that conversation instead of just concluding "why don't you all go work in a mine if you want to do everything a man can do" without even exploring the topic. 

2. As I have said many times in my last posts that girls need to take responsibility for how their relationship is, boys need to do the same. A girl can't forbid you anything, and neither can you to her. People treat you the way you allow them to. If you will stay with someone who forbids you to have friends who are girls or anything that makes you happy, well that is your choice, my man. Girls who forbid stuff like that only do it for fear of abandonment and lack of confidence. If you don't trust your person so much that you get to the point of forbidding them what to do, then maybe you aren't made for each other, huh?

3. PMS is different for all of us. Some of us like to eat a lot of chips these days, some of us get emotional, some get angry, it really depends. Changes happen in estrogen and hormones and that's what causes mood swings. There are some days in my PMS when I get overemotional. and then I wake up the next day and laugh at myself and think what the hell was I crying about. 

On the other hand, it's certainly not OK for you to ask us are we on our period or in PMS every time we tell you something is wrong. Maybe you have been acting like a jerk so that's why we are mad today. It's also possible. In any case, our best bet is that you educate yourself about it and maybe be a little more understanding these days and we can all be happy. It's not really easy when something is changing in your body and affecting your mood, and you can't control it. It wouldn't be easy for you as well, right? 

There are many things to add here and I wonder what girls think about these answers the boys gave.

My final conclusion is that it's important to listen to both sides, open that conversation and work on understanding because we are different in the end.

Thanks so much to all my dear friends for participating! 

Until next time :)